The Wonders and Mysteries of Doctor Who
by SilverWolf7
Summary: A silly romp through the new series episodes, starting with Rose and continuing on through all four seasons. 21st story. In which Tommy thinks of faceless people and how they survived.
1. Rose

Disclaimer – Don't own them, they belong to the BBC.

Notes: Pure silliness at its worst. You have been warned. One of reach of the new series' episodes. From all three seasons shown so far. Because it's just so fun to find odd things in the show and make fun of them.

Starting with Rose, in which Rose thinks on anti-plastic.

The Wonders and Mysteries of Doctor Who

New Series

Rose

She hung by the chain and ran, jumping over the ledge to bump into the window shop dummy that held the anti-plastic.

The dummy fell into the Nestene Consciousness, as did the vial. A vial that she could have sworn when she first saw it was plastic itself...

The point was, she saw it, as she clung to the Doctor, grateful that they were both alive even though she had only just met him. Fully stoppered as it was, as soon as that vial, plastic or not (it could have been made of glass...or some other world product for all she knew) the vial immediately opened, pouring the anti-plastic inside all over the plastic creature.

It began to blow things up. On the ceiling. Before it too finally went boom.

As she, the Doctor and Mickey (who still clung on for dear life to her) reached a safer part of London, she called her mum, but she didn't answer. Her mind was too busy thinking of stoppers which magically popped out when it came in contact with plastic.

Was that meant to happen?

Who knew?

It was all alien to her.


	2. The End of the World

The End of the World. It was the ONLY thing going through my mind during this scene...honestly, it was an odd moment.

The Wonders and Mysteries of Doctor Who

New Series

Season One

The End of the World

Rafallo looked into the shute that would take her to the problem in the Face of Boe suite. No hot water indeed. She wondered briefly how the Face of Boe showered or bathed in the first place, hot water or no...

Yet again, it was a complimentary part of this observation ship, and so it was her duty as the plumber to fix it before it got too out of hand.

Now that the nice girl Rose had gone, she found herself back to her job, and noticed a small spider like robot. Probably a maintenance thing. But it wasn't on her scans as meant to be there, which meant they were new, and that may or may not be bad.

She decided to catalogue them, just in case they were upgrades to the system. It was possible after all.

It had friends she soon found out, as more followed it, four in all.

She had no idea why they were so scary but as they began to drag her into the shute and take her off somewhere to be killed in mysterious ways no one would ever hear of, one thing was certain. It didn't matter now how the Face of Boe bathed, how the _**hell**_ did these tiny little things drag her in like this? There were only four!

The woes of being an extra in a sci-fi show...


	3. The Unquiet Dead

In which Rose has her suspicions about the Doctor.

The Wonders and Mysteries of Doctor Who

New Series

Season One

The Unquiet Dead

The TARDIS was currently hovering somewhere in the time vortex, not going anywhere in particular, but, as the Doctor put it, saving gas. It was a very bad pun for the moment she thought, but it still made her laugh.

She was only just learning things about the ship, like how it has a million extra rooms thereabouts on the other side of a door on the opposite side of the exit (she hadn't noticed that when she was off to the far distant future) and it had taken her mind a bit of getting used to, to remember and follow the directions the Doctor had given her to get to the wardrobe.

Sometimes he talked so fast! It was hard to understand half of what he said.

She knew that he was feeling a bit sad over what had happened in that house, and for what had happened to Gwyneth. And she had definitely seen the look in his eyes when the Time War had been mentioned by the Gelth.

She had just found a book in a library about Charles Dickens, not one of the novels but more of a biography, and remembered what the Doctor had said about giving him a final show.

The Doctor had called Charles, Charlie boy. And, according to the book currently in her hands (she didn't recognise the author, though that was true for most of these books) that was only something the ladies called Charles Dickens. The Doctor had been calling the other man only something a lover would, and she had the odd thought that it wasn't the only time the Doctor had said it.

She suddenly felt a little bit more safe being in the Doctor's care, and thought she finally understood what he had meant by saying 'considering' after calling her beautiful in the outfit she had chosen to wear.

It wasn't because she was human; it was probably because she was female.

Good thing she was open minded and not worried about things like that, or else she would freak more than knowing he was an alien.

And the thought just made her giggle. A gay alien. It all seemed much too sensible to be false. For all she knew, it was normal for his people. Not that she would ever know of course, he clammed up every time she tried to bring up anything to do about himself.

The one thing she really, really didn't want to know now is what went on between the Doctor and Mr Dickens when they were in the funeral parlour together.

What would the Gelth had done then? Well, if they had decided to invade the dead bodies in the room at the time?

That seemed much more inappropriate then using dead bodies as vehicles in the first place.

She decided to let that one rest.

For all she knew, the Doctor had just given Charles a talking to about how the world really was.


	4. Aliens of London

In which people complain about traffic.

The Wonders and Mysteries of Doctor Who

New Series

Season One

Aliens of London

Traffic jams.

It was always traffic jams.

Gridlocked they say the roads of London were now, completely cutting off what had happened to Big Ben and the Thames was being kept out of view, which was pretty impressive, given that it was a river.

Not that anyone around him currently seemed to care.

They had all seen it, saw the dive bomb of a UFO that was so unearth-like they just knew it had to be alien, but here they were, pissed off about being stuck in traffic.

History was being made and the stupid little ape minds around him were concerned about being late.

Whether it be to home, to work, to secret trysts...didn't matter, because the roads were currently blocked.

Stupid humans in bloody traffic jams!

Alright, alright, he could possibly be in a bad mood because he had just heard Rose make the worst suggestion ever. Watch it all on the television indeed...

Too bad it was the only option.

With sinking hearts, the Doctor turned and followed the young woman back to the flat.

He just hoped he wasn't slapped again.


	5. World War Three

I had trouble with both this episode and Aliens of London, because there are so many scenes in both that this kind of thing could be done to. Might have to do a few more just as small skits outside this collection. Yet again no one really seems to be interested in this, but myeh, its very fun to write :P

In which Rose asks the Doctor a question.

The Wonders and Mysteries of Doctor Who

New Series

Season One

World War Three

The TARDIS doors closed and Rose let out a breath at finally managing to get her mother to stop following her around like a lost puppy. Not that there was anything wrong with her mum being worried. She had, after all, spent the night in the Cabinet Room afraid that the older woman was about to get eaten by a Slitheen.

The Doctor didn't do domestic. He didn't do families. He had told her that yesterday, just before the spaceship had landed in the Thames.

Harriet Jones was now all over the news, the world was once again safe (for the time being, it always seemed to be in trouble by some invading force nowadays) and her mum now knew about the Doctor, which made things a hell of a lot more easy on all their lives.

And it was then that something hit her and her face screwed up in a look of confusion. "Doctor?"

"Yes?" he asked, busy doing something on the other side of the console, flicking a switch over and over, and frowning as he did it. Maybe something had broken. He'll be whipping out his screwdriver soon.

She was right, there it was now, whirring away in its own sonic sounds to help try and fix the TARDIS part. God knows what it was for. It could be really important or something to switch on music.

"You know when me and Harriet were stuck in that room with those Slitheen where you found us?"

"Yes?" The whirring stopped, and he flicked the switch again, this time a pleased smile crossing his features as whatever it did worked this time.

"Umm, how exactly did you know we were in there trapped with them?"

"Oh, I was in the corridor when they went in, hiding behind the door. They didn't see me."

Rose shook her head and concentrated hard on that one. "The door we passed by earlier I guess, the one near the lift, not the one for the room itself, that wouldn't be a good hiding spot."

"Yep, that's the one."

"How come the Slitheen didn't know you were there?"

He looked up at her with confused blue eyes. "What do you mean by that? They didn't see me because they didn't know I was there, same as always."

Rose sighed angrily and ran her hands through her hair, messing it up slightly. "But remember narrowing down the planet of origin, how we decided that smell was one of the things to narrow it down?"

"Yes?"

"Well...how did they not smell you where you were?"

The Doctor blinked at her, his gaze staring off into space somewhere, before he smiled, looked at her again and shrugged. "Thanks Rose, You just made me feel really lucky I survived that encounter. I didn't even know about the smelling thing until you and Harriet told me."

Closing her eyes, Rose took her bag of luggage and made her way through to the corridors of the ship, trying to find where her room was again.

Trust the Doctor to be saved just because he didn't know something.

It was the kind of thing that would happen to him.

Bloody lucky alien...


	6. Dalek

In which Rose shares an interesting point with the Doctor about the Dalek. Talk of porn commences.

The Wonders and Mysteries of Doctor Who

New Series

Season One

Dalek

Adam had gotten himself settled into one of the rooms in the TARDIS after Rose had given him a brief tour around the place. He was as white as a sheet, and as soon as he had picked the room, he had crawled onto the bed he claimed as his and decided a little lie down would be best.

Rose had agreed with him. All the running up flights of stairs after all can really take it out of a person, especially one who until a few weeks ago barely did any running at all. She was rather tired herself. But first, she needed to talk to the Doctor.

He hadn't exactly been in the best of moods when they had gotten out of Van Statten's lockup.

She couldn't really blame him for that.

He was still staring at the console by the time she got back in there, looking a little lost in his own thoughts. Yep, she hadn't lied, it really was a good thing she was staying with him, no telling what he might do otherwise.

"Adam chose a room and went to sleep. All that running probably tired him out. He was looking a little pale."

A grunt was all the answer she got. So, he was in that kind of mood then? She had only seen him like this once before, and that was after their first outing in the TARDIS, after she had been told about the destruction of his own home planet.

And this time there wasn't a nearby chip shop to make him feel better.

"So, I'm glad there's no more of them Dalek's running around. Would be a bad thing for poor old planet Earth."

Another grunt. She frowned, at him.

"What did it do?"

He looked at her then, and sighed loudly, standing slightly taller with his arms tucked securely around his chest. "It used your DNA to regenerate itself so it could become whole again, shut down the power, downloaded the entire internet, and then went on a rampage when it realised that there was nothing about the whereabouts of the other Daleks on there."

She had been ready to be awed and scared by the tale, but something made her stop, think for a few seconds, before she began giggling.

The Doctor didn't look too impressed with that. "What's so funny? In case you didn't notice, lots of people just died!"

She tried to calm herself down but she didn't seem to be able to right that second, because in her head all she could see were some of the things... "I know, I know, and I'm sorry."

He shifted angrily from foot to foot, trying for the serious look, and failing. "What's so funny, then?"

"Internet. It downloaded the entire internet. No wonder it got confused. I mean, think of all the garbage on that. Most of it would probably be porn."

The Doctor stood still and just stared at her, before a smile began on his lips. "Hah! Imagine how badly it would seem if people begun writing porn about Daleks! Dalek porn."

Rose laughed fully now at the thought even though it confused her greatly. "Write it? Imagine if they actually had just...two of the armour outsides? I mean, they could show it then. Dalek porn, free site. Must be over 18 or of alien origins to view! Or, ooh! Imagine if they didn't have the outside, but the actual Dalek? Dalek porn, free with tentacles."

And this time the Doctor laughed, and she saw his face brighten from the tragedies of the day for the first time since it happened. Well, at least she knew he hadn't lost his ability to laugh and smile.

"Oh, Rose, that is...truly disturbing. But I think I can understand now why it wanted to destroy itself. Your thoughts and feelings with the entire internet, porn and all. And them being genetically engineered...well they can't make other little baby Daleks, they need to clone others."

For some odd reason this made it even funnier. "Oh, god! Dalek porn, free with tentacles and genetic engineering! Get it while it's hot!"

They laughed for a good ten minutes before calming down and Rose decided that she really should get some rest now. She began the walk back to her room, when the Doctor's voice rang out asking one last question.

"So, Rose, how much porn exactly have you been watching lately?"

With a squeak and turning bright red, she rushed to her room, and to her bed. Sleep would be good but not before having a good laugh at herself.

How much indeed.

Everyone knows the internet is for porn.

And here in the TARDIS it is free viewing.

She would have to ask him the same thing.


	7. The Long Game

In which Cathica muses on the events of Satellite 5.

The Wonders and Mysteries of Doctor Who

New Series

Season One

The Long Game

Cathica was fuming. For the past three years, all she had wanted was a promotion to floor 500, and then she had found out that it was nothing but a death trap, run over by an alien blob of god knew what.

She didn't know what was worse. The human race not being what it was supposed to be like the Doctor had stated, that the human race was being ruled over by something not even remotely humanoid, humans being brainwashed through the news she supplied, or the fact that they still promoted Suki ahead of her, even though she was above the other woman in every way where it counts.

She was leaning more to the last point really. Boy had that made her mad. Mad enough to break the rules just to see what floor 500 was really like. That and the Doctor did have a few good points.

And now it was all over, the Doctor and his two friends had gone off to who knew where, and she was left alone to pick up the pieces.

See, this is what she gets for being overly ambitious and for going on and on about promotions, when she knew that begging for one was the worst way to go about it. And why the hell hadn't she questioned about things that now made so much sense?

Well, one thing was for sure, thankfully she had a chip. If she didn't and was on board, that would mean only one job would have been hers, and that would have been janitor.

She really, really felt sorry for the poor men and women that would be left to pick up the bits of Jagrafess that were strewn all over floor 500. And the bits of frozen human, both long dead and freshly gone.

Now that was worse than trying to get the human race on the right track again.

Either way you looked at it, everything was one big mess.


	8. Father's Day

Rose thinks about buildings both old and new and timelines.

The Wonders and Mysteries of Doctor Who

New Series

Season One

Father's Day

As soon as the TARDIS door closed, she ran to her bedroom and locked the door. Not that she wouldn't accept the comfort the Doctor would give her, she would if he were here right now, but she just wanted some time alone to digest what had happened that day.

Her dad. She had saved her dad, only to make him die all over again to save the world.

This was the second time she had practically seen her own planet destroyed. She was beginning to get a vague idea of how the Doctor felt about his own world being gone.

She lay down on her bed and cried for a while, and was glad when the Doctor didn't come after her. He knew what was wrong and must have accepted her need to be alone for a bit. She liked him all the more for that.

And now they were back on Earth, doing what they did best when one of them was upset. Eating chips. She'd have to run them off later, and she had no doubts whatsoever that she would get the chance pretty soon.

"You alright," the Doctor asked once she was smiling again.

"Yeah. Just, not something you're used to seeing is it? Something you heard all your childhood, happening right in front of you. And I'm sorry, I really am, for what happened."

"Don't worry Rose, I know you are."

They finished their chips and Rose decided not to go home to see her mum. She might start talking about what happened, and her mum was already freaked out enough over the Doctor and space ships and time travel.

She had no idea where the thought came from, but it made her suddenly very confused. "Doctor?" she asked as they got back into the TARDIS and went back out into the vortex.

"Hmm?"

"When we got into the church, you said we'd be safe for a while because the windows and doors were old and the older something is the stronger it is, right?"

"Yeah, I did." He grinned at her. Old and strong indeed. She snorted in humour.

"And later on you said that the walls weren't old,"

"Did I? Was that before I got eaten, or before I...hugged you."

Rose frowned and tired to think of the exact time. "I dunno, can't remember, but you did say it. So...how does that wok then? How could the walls be destroyed but leave doors and windows intact for them to be stronger than the rest of the building, because they were older?"

The Doctor blinked and frowned himself. "I dunno. Maybe they were from an old building, and when the newer building was made they kept the original doors and windows. Sometimes that happens, especially if it's pretty. You humans are very materialistic."

She laughed. "So says the guy who wears a leather jacket every day. Do you sleep in it too?"

He got defensive, wrapping his arms around himself. "Oi! I don't sleep in it, no. And the reason I wear it is not for you to know."

"Fine, fine." She lowered her voice and added on "Security blanket."

He glared at her and shifted slightly, looking like he was ready to climb further into said jacket than he already was. Truthfully, it had been nice to see him with it off for a bit.

She smiled at him in as charming a way possible, and he slowly let his guard down a bit more, as he realised she wasn't really making fun of him. Well, not much anyway.

"Alright then, that solves that mystery then."

He nodded back. "So it does, shall we go somewhere else now? Woman Wept maybe? Ever been there before?"

Rose just looked at him like he was crazy. How the heck could she have possibly gone to a place she hadn't known existed before. And then another thing came into her mind and she tilted her head to one side and bit her bottom lip.

"Doctor?"

"Oh, what is it now?!"

He was angry. Ah well, he had a right to be. He had been some thing's dinner earlier on.

"I changed the future right, I mean I can tell I did. Dad died in a different spot and I was with him. And yet I now have two distinctly different memories of mum telling me of his death. How can I possibly remember the first time as well as this new reality?"

He opened his mouth to answer, closed his eyes, shook his head and sighed. "I don't know. I'm going to go lie down for a bit, you're giving me a headache with all these questions."

She watched him wander off in what she supposed was to his bedroom, and blinked.

Had the Doctor just admitted to not knowing something?

Hmm, interesting.


	9. The Empty Child

In which Rose thinks while hanging from the barrage balloon.

The Wonders and Mysteries of Doctor Who

The New Series

Season One

The Empty Child

Why was it she always found herself in messes like this? Sure she was getting rather used to it, just like she was used to the Doctor refusing to find signs of alien tech in the middle of a human city, in which there shouldn't be any.

Now she was dangling in mid air from a rope attached to a barrage balloon, while German planes were all about her, bombing the city below. And all the while she had on this ridiculous Union Flag shirt.

Alright, so the Doctor had been right about the shirt. This test run of it really wasn't going too well.

And now, she was stuck, the rope burning her hands with her grip, trying to hold on, because to fall was to die. And it hurt, and she wasn't sure how long she could hold on any longer any way.

She didn't blame the Doctor for getting her up here though, oh no, that was her own fault. After all, only she would climb up a rope that had come from like out of nowhere to climb up to meet a child who was stuck.

It occurred to her then, as things always seemed to do after or during a crisis, that there was something not quite right about that. Not right at all.

There was no way up to where the child was. She had to use the rope to try and get there, and the rope hadn't been there beforehand.

So, how the heck did that boy get up there in the first place? 

When she got down from this rope, preferably alive and in another shirt, she would have to ask the Doctor. 

Maybe it would stump him just as much as it stumped her.

But first, she had to survive this air raid, and find a building high enough for her to fall on without killing herself.

Her grip slipped a bit, and she slid down some of the rope, and knew she was about to fall. Ah well, unless someone was waiting somewhere very close ready to catch her, it looked like she was going to die.

And then Captain Jack Harkness entered her life, just in the nick of time.


	10. The Doctor Dances

Nancy ponders the antics of 'the Child', as Jamie does his stuff.

The Wonders and Mysteries of Doctor Who

New Series

Season One

The Doctor Dances

She let Jim carry on with his letter. After all, it was important for the boy to do so, as it gave him the smallest ounce of comfort that he would see his dad again.

After telling the kids what to do in case she didn't find her way back after going into the place where the strange bomb dropped she pointed out that none of them were safe as long as she stayed with them, and she was given the perfect example as a gentle tap tap tapping started in the room.

"Answer me this, Jim's sitting there, right next to you, so who's typing?" she had asked of Ernie, the oldest of the children there, and their eyes all turned towards the typewriter as it slowly typed letter for letter. Probably of the same sentence over and over again.

This, she decided was the weirdest thing Jamie had ever done since becoming this...thing. He had been calling for her over and over using phones and anything electronic, so she had begun thinking something at least needed a battery to work like this.

She could see each key being pushed down, and it isn't like typewriters were electronic or anything like that.

So how in the world was Jamie doing it?

Right, that's it, she was sure that she'd be able to believe anything now. 

What next? She thought as she told the kids to eat their greens and to chew their food slowly. And as she ran to the disused railway station where the odd bomb dropped her mind filled with strange thoughts.

Next it will probably be space ships and time travel known her luck...


	11. Boom Town

This is not my favourite and a bit like the one from the Long Game, so not very funny. Just a little piece on the human psyche.

In which the Welsh run.

The Wonders and Mysteries of Doctor Who

New Series

Season One

Boom Town

Thunder cracked and the sky seemed to tear in two, as a giant blue-white light seemed to fall from the sky, in one place, centred on a weird blue box that just stood in the middle of where the light would otherwise have struck the ground.

The natives of Cardiff were running scared, which didn't mark them as any different from any other human in the world at the time. Sure, no one else might actually care what was happening to them, but it was happening and it was frightening.

It was to be said though that they didn't know what was worse. An odd blue light that looked like it was trying to rip the fabric of the world itself into tiny little bits, or the earthquakes that it caused.

The entire town was in as panic by the time it stopped, and when it did it was deemed the earthquake. The light must have just been some weird strike of lightning of a kind not yet seen, or rarely seen. Never seen in Cardiff at least.

Because who in their right mind, would believe that it could be something other than lightning? After all, most citizens of earth, as far as they knew, were human.

Who would believe that the light might have really been made to rip the world apart, and that thing was an alien trying to get off the planet? 

It was too unbelievable, so, as the human mind was wont to do, they decided to ignore the box, ignore the light, and mark it off all up to tectonic movements that caused an earthquake.

The Welsh would be glad to know that they weren't singled out in this forgetting business. 

That was just plain human nature.


	12. Bad Wolf

This isn't so much funny as just...Jack thinking on the Doctor, Lynda, Rose and love.

In which Jack flirts and notices something.

The Wonders and Mysteries of Doctor Who

New Series 

Season One

Bad Wolf

Lynda with a Y. Sweet little Lynda. He could see the thoughts practically running through the Doctor's head and knew that is what the other man thought of her. And it was true.

Lynda was...spunky, and kind, and sweet and good, and Jack liked her immediately. When he met her he did the first thing he could think of, grabbed her hand and introduced himself. And the Doctor began kicking up a fuss.

Now, either the Doctor really was fed up with his flirting behaviour, he was too worried about Rose to care about anything else or, and here was the real kicker, the Doctor liked her. As in _liked_. Not as much as Rose perhaps, because he could see the looks those two lovebirds sent each other with every passing glance, but enough to be attracted to her.

Maybe it was blondes that did it for the Doctor, blonde, female and human, since he hadn't yet to see the Doc go for a male. Shame really that he wasn't blond. Maybe then he'd get some action himself.

And then he got to talking to Lynda as they rode up to Floor 500, and was interested to find out that the Doctor had actually invited her to join the crew. 

Looked like Rose had a bit of a competition going now for the affections of the Doctor.

Or maybe she was a consolation prize. Maybe the Doctor was allowing Lynda with a Y on board for him. In which he would be pissed, because he could tell from a glance that already Lynda had been caught up in the Doctor like most people who met him did. 

Like he himself was.

Lynda Moss, Rose Tyler, and him, Captain Jack Harkness, and the one thing they all had in common?

Their love, no matter how strong or new it may be for the Doctor. 

Rose loved unconditionally, Lynda was feeling the first stirrings of attraction, a crush, and he, well he yearned.

Well, when the Doctor realised that his feelings for Rose ran deeper than he was trying to pretend they did, he would be there to pick up the pieces for Lynda. Because she really was a sweet girl.

He could live with that, even if it meant neither of them got the one they really cared about.

At least he would finally be getting some. 


	13. The Parting of the Ways

In which Rose ponders her mum and the men in the older Tyler woman's life.

The Wonders and Mysteries of Doctor Who

New Series

First Season

The Parting of the Ways

It figured. It really, really did. Her mum was adamantly against her going back, for obvious reasons. Rose was, after all Jackie Tyler's daughter. And to let her go off to get herself killed just to help the Doctor was too much for her mum to bear.

She had all but given up on opening the heart of the TARDIS. Mickey had ended up talking her into not giving up, which was just as weird as what happened next. Because there was her mum, driving of all things on the Earth, a Rescue and Recovery vehicle.

Rescue and Recovery. Just what she needed to get back to the Doctor. 'Cause she would now, she believed it. 'Cause she was going to open the heart of the TARDIS, go back, rescue the Doctor from the Daleks and bring him back here to recover from whatever he may be going through, and she knew he was going through something.

Her mum had said that she had gotten the vehicle from Rodrigo. Whoever the hell that man was owed her mum a favour, and the fact that her mum didn't want her to know why this favour was owed meant that it was probably something to do with...dancing.

As the truck like machine opened the heart of the TARDIS her first thought wasn't of the Doctor or the TARDIS itself, oddly enough. It was of where her mum might have picked up a licence in such short notice to drive such a vehicle.

The sight had even drawn a small crowd. She hoped those people got a good show out of it.

They were all doing odd things today. As she thought of the Doctor then and the vortex began to stream into her as she and the TARDIS looked into each other, she smiled.

Because the important thing right now was that because of her mum, the one person who dreaded her going and not coming back more than anything right then, who hated and yet loved the Doctor, was the one who had made it possible.

Her life, even though it might be about to end, had been saved by her mum.

And while it was good Jackie Tyler had helped her and all, at the same time, it was frightfully embarrassing.


	14. The Christmas Invasion

In which Mickey thinks of the TARDIS and a special feature it has.

The Wonders and Mysteries of Doctor Who

New Series

Christmas Special One

The Christmas Invasion

Rose had told him, just earlier that day that the TARDIS translates alien languages in her head no matter where she was, and that the Doctor was part of the circuit. That he got, he was fine with that.

The problem he was facing now was that he was hearing English when the Sycorax plainly was stating that he would never use English as a language, and he was speaking his own Sycoraxic. That he got too. He had been in the TARDIS for a while, and even though the TARDIS's translation system might not be working properly, the machine was still running and was fine apart from that.

It was when the Prime Minister, Harriet Jones, and the man with her, he never quite got his name, heard English as well, regardless of the fact that they had never been in the TARDIS that confused him.

Sure, it meant the Doctor was up and about now, and his brain working properly, but still...how?

All this time, he had thought that you had to have actually been inside the ship for the translations to take effect. And then it would work everywhere. Because if that wasn't true, everyone would understand the Sycorax language.

Sometimes he hated not understanding the mechanics of something, especially considering he worked fixing up cars for a living.

And nothing confused him more than a fussy space ship whose pilot happened to be passed out from a cellular regeneration.

He'll have to ask the Doctor soon, or he'll be driven out of his mind.


	15. New Earth

In which Rose is surprised about not getting sick.

The Wonders and Mysteries of Doctor Who

New Series

Season Two

New Earth

The nurse grabbed hold of her foot and wouldn't let go, trying to drag her off the ladder and to her death. Rose hung on as tightly as she could, while Cassandra was busy throwing cheap taunts at it.

Play with a ball of string indeed. At the moment all that Rose wanted was to be able to keep on moving up and away from the infected life forms slowly creeping up behind them. Because if they didn't move soon, they would both be dead anyway.

And then they caught up. The 'flesh' as the cat nurses had called them, reaching out to infect the clean, healthy people around them.

One of them touched the cat nurse that was still clinging to her foot, and she watched with horror as the nurse soon got sick and began dying from every disease ever to infect humans. It only let go as it became weak and begun falling to the ground dozens of floors below them.

She doubted the cat would be alive by the time it reached the ground. Well, that was at least a good thing, she thought.

The thing she didn't get, as she and Cassandra, who was squealing the rest of the way up the ladder (something that really didn't suit the Doctor at all), was that the cat had been touching her at the time it had been infected.

How the hell had she managed not to get infected herself?

One of those mysteries that made no sense whatsoever that she had found that the Doctor would have no answer for either.

Well, at least travelling with the Doctor was never boring. That hadn't changed at least.


	16. Tooth and Claw

In which Monks and their sloppiness are discussed.

The Wonders and Mysteries of Doctor Who

New Series

Series Two

Tooth and Claw

After calming down a bit, having a good laugh at the Royal Family's expense, and werewolves in general, Rose sat down on the Captain's seat and caught her breath, before shaking her head and giggling slightly at the silliness of the night.

"Werewolves! Well, don't see them too often now, hey, Rose?" the Doctor said, coming over to sit next to her, his feet propped up on the TARDIS's console.

"Nah. One thing I don't get though, and it is a stupid thing those monks forgot to do..."

"Oh? What's that then? Did everything pretty well from where I saw it. Drugging the guards, making sure Queen Victoria got there. Making sure it all fit in around the full moon so it would all work in the first place. Even the mistletoe thing. Pretty smart for humans if you ask me."

"Good thing then that I wasn't asking you isn't it," she replied, grinning at him, poking her tongue out as she did so.

He grinned back. "So! Dame Rose, what exactly was it that I missed?"

"Same thing the monks did."

"Oh?"

"Flora."

He frowned. "I thought I already covered the whole mistletoe thing already."

Rose laughed again and shook her head. "No, one of the maid's was called Flora. I found her hiding in a closet. She hadn't moved since hiding there. Why didn't they search every hiding spot there was, in case something like that happened?"

The Doctor frowned. "Well, maybe they planned that too."

"They were there for a while before they could have seen us. This was well thought out, like you said Doctor. So why not check everywhere?"

Once again the Doctor grinned at her. "Oh, Rose, always asking the right questions aren't you? I have no idea. Maybe they just got tired, or bored, or were just sloppy and didn't think anyone would hide from them. Which leads right back to the sloppy."

Leaning her head on his shoulder, she giggled again. "Sloppiness of monks cause the downfall of the Empire of the Wolf then?"

"Yep! With a little help from us of course."

"Oh," Rose replied, nodding sagely. "Of course."

They were quiet for a few minutes, before they started sniggering, raising their heads and howling to the top of the TARDIS, like a bunch of lunatics.

So, werewolves could be fun. And could also be the members of the Royal Family.

She'd definitely remember that one for a long time.


	17. School Reunion

In which the School blows up and Kenny gets lucky.

The Wonders and Mysteries of Doctor Who

New Series

Season Two

School Reunion

The school blew up, and as people do when they realise that there wouldn't be school until they were either put into others or theirs was rebuilt, the students acted like it was the party of the century. Kenny wasn't left out in this. He was the only student in the school who hadn't been living off a diet of smart oil, so he was definitely happy about it.

When Melissa had asked him if he had done it, helped blow up the school and he had said yes (well, in a way he had, hadn't he? He had been in that fight) he was practically hero worshipped. It felt good and he didn't feel left out and things were definitely looking up for him now.

It also seemed to him that Melissa fancied him, which was better than the school blowing up.

After most of the students had run off home, he was left alone to think of what had happened. His teachers had been aliens. They had tried to take over the minds of the students and use them to crack a universal god mode code thingy.

It was a bit like a computer game really, the whole thing. The aliens, the use of computers in the first place, a code that needed to be cracked to rule the entire universe and everything in it. Well, it hadn't been solved, thankfully, and he had met up with the boy, Mickey, who had let him tag along in the first place.

Kenny wasn't the smartest kid in school. Actually because of the oil he was the one with the lowest intelligence, but that was alright, surely the oil would wear off and everyone else would be back at his level.

But even to him it didn't make sense. There was a whole computer section of the school with a grand total of five computer rooms. And Mickey had told him that all he had needed to do to get the kids out was to unplug the computers. While Kenny was sure he meant he had gone through all of them, it sounded suspiciously like he had unplugged one rooms computers, blown the entire system and all the kids, in all the rooms had been freed from the hypnotic pull of the code.

He hoped Mickey did go into the other rooms, because otherwise it didn't make much sense.

That room hadn't been the one the main power supply for the computers had been in.

He was getting a slight headache, and Melissa was smiling at him, asking if he would walk her home.

He nodded shyly, banishing thoughts of the impossible from his head.

He could think of that all he wanted tomorrow.


	18. The Girl in the Fireplace

Looooong time no update, I know. I got carried away with other stuff, and only remembered that I should do these too, especially now as we're almost out of another Doctor and near the start of a new one.

In which the Doctor names a pet horse.

The Wonders and Mysteries of Doctor Who

New Series

Season Two

The Girl in the Fireplace

"So, this is where you come from, horsie," the Doctor said, not really thinking at the time, opening the doors and stepping out onto the grounds of Versailles. There, he managed to do a bit of pervy spying on the girls.

Rose would be a bit mad at him for it, but hey, he was there, might as well enjoy it.

After a bit, and hearing that it was time for a new consort to be found, the Doctor decided it was time to go back inside.

The horse was gone from him now, probably ran off without his noticing. The door to the spaceship was closed.

Frowning, he opened it up and stepped back in, making sure to close it off behind him, something he was sure he didn't do as he stepped out.

There, as if waiting patiently for him, was a rather attached horse.

He turned to the door, turned to the horse again, back to the door, before deciding now would be a good time to think of horse names. There was no way he was letting that beast out of his sight now. It could close its own barn door, which needed to be closed by pulling.

"Hah! Well, aren't you a smart horsie. What should I name you?"

The horse snorted at him, and nudged his arm a bit.

Grinning, and making a happy sound in the back of his throat, he scratched the animal between its ears. "I think I'll call you Arthur. Arthur's a good enough horse name. Like it?"

With another snort, the horse tossed its head up and down.

"Well, Arthur my friend, who is so fussy as to close doors behind you, I think you'll fit right in on the TARDIS!"


	19. Rise of the Cybermen

In which a joke is not shared with the Doctor and Rose.

The Wonders and Mysteries of Doctor Who

New Series

Season Two

Rise of the Cybermen

The Doctor froze on the spot after a few minutes of purposeful walking towards the direction he thought the Tyler mansion was in, looked at Rose and frowned deeply.

"Wait a sec, did something back there seem odd to you?"

Rose looked confused but smiled back at him and nodded. "Um, yeah. A whole lot of people in the middle of the street froze at exactly the same moment as the news and all that other stuff was downloaded right to their brains."

He shook his head. "No, no, no, no, no, well, yes, but no! During that, just before it turned off and everyone began walking away. Did you notice it? It was really odd. Strange."

"I don't know what you saw Doctor. Tell me," she replied, looking at him like as if he had lost what little shred of sanity he had left.

"They laughed, Rose. They all laughed..."

Her frown grew a bit at that. "Well, yeah. It was the joke, remember. Or at least, that's what my phone said it was at the time."

He looked at her with a stare that could melt butter and shook his head. "Rose, are you trying to tell me that not only did everyone get the joke, but that everyone out there _found it funny_?"

She nodded, but her frown deepened even more than it already was. "Ok, yeah, you're right, that is weird."

He grinned at her, nodded and started walking again. "Right! Glad I got that out! It was really annoying me. I can't help but wonder what that joke _was_."

Shaking her head and grinning, Rose jogged to catch up to him, and kept her silence. The last thing she wanted to know was why he wanted to know that joke. Far as she was concerned, at least they weren't the ones being mind controlled.


	20. Age of Steel

In which Rose eats the last hotdog and the Doctor goes hungry.

The Wonders and Mysteries of Doctor Who

New Series

Season Two

Age of Steel

"Doctor?" Rose asked, seeing as how they were now comfortably holed up in some...hole, waiting on a quick meal of hotdogs to be made before they go out to save the world.

"Yes, Rose?" he asked, while busy being preoccupied looking out one of the mostly boarded up windows. There was a convenient crack though, he was using to see if the Cybermen were coming.

"Don't you think it's a bit weird? I mean, two Mickey's, together, in the same room?"

He turned to her then and grinned. "We should be lucky. Usually meeting yourself is a very bad idea, but there hasn't been a problem bigger than Ricky trying to kill Mickey for being a clone. Not that I can blame him for that, really."

She sighed and turned to look at the two Mickey's as they continued to stare at each other like they had been doing since they got to this building that the Preacher's had taken as their hideout. "Bad idea how? Usually, I mean?"

He shrugged and continued to grin, though his attention was once gain fixed on the crack in the boards. "Well, anything from the world imploding, to more Reapers, to reality trying to cut one out of the picture and making sure there is only one in the world. That nothing has happened is very good, very, very good, so let's focus on staying alive at the moment. Rose, can you pass me a hotdog?"

Rolling her eyes, she walked over to where the others had just finished eating, grabbed the last hotdog and ate it herself.

Well, it wasn't her fault that her Mickey had eaten two instead of one. And she hadn't eaten anything at the party earlier.

The Doctor wasn't very happy when he found out he'd be going hungry.

He pouted all the way out on the streets until they walked into humans being controlled and then it was all back to business.

She wished she could just switch off her appetite like that. The hot dog was beginning to make her feel slightly queasy.

Either that, or it was the sudden running for their lives.


	21. The Idiot's Lantern

In which Tommy thinks of faceless people and how they survived.

The Wonders and Mysteries of Doctor Who

New Series

Season Two

The Idiot's Lantern

Tommy decided, as he had raced along the empty streets with the Doctor that his life was going to change. He had gotten his dad in trouble for the wrong doings he had done, both inside and out of the household. He had helped solve the mystery of what had happened to his Gran, and he had been in the company of a man that clearly wasn't from around here.

Tape recorders, boxes bigger on the inside and a whole lot of faceless people and there was one thing he didn't get.

"Mum, I don't mean to be rude but...why didn't those people die? They had no faces, some of them for weeks. Don't humans need food and drink to survive?"

His mum stared at him, and then turned her gaze to her mother, who was intently listening to the radio, as she wasn't going near another one of those infernal contraptions called a television again.

"Later, Tommy. We don't talk about that in front of Gran."

His Gran looked at him, smiled and shook her head. "Don't know how we survived, boy. But I know one thing, it's good that we did. Or I would have never seen you again."

Smiling, he made his way over to his Gran and gave her a hug. He'd been hugging her a lot since everyone got their faces back.

One thing he knew for certain was that the world was a much weirder place than it was before the Coronation.

And weird, he decided, was good.

He'd sneak his scooter out later on and have a bit of a ride. No one needed to know where he got it from. They wouldn't believe him if he told them.

Already people were forgetting that their relatives had been turned into faceless things and kept in a cage out of the way. Who'd believe that he got the scooter from a time travelling alien form a box that was millions of times bigger inside than out?

No one.

And he liked it that way.

He had something no one else did, and he would treasure it.


End file.
